New years provide many an opportunity for us all: a fresh page, a continuation of pattern, or simply a window to a self-appreciation. Resolutions, after all, are a reminder to take time for ourselves and how we can better fit into the world around us. But with this level of introspection, self-appreciation means taking stock of which of our behaviors we deem acceptable to present to the world. Seeing ourselves for what we strive for others to see means first identifying these traits and these representations, embodying them into our whole being and believing in them to become more than just actions, but personality traits.
Found a new favorite candle at sloan/hall in San Antonio.
Moodcast Candles "Nightfall" - Day gives way to night. What once was is no longer. Flow with change.
The sun always rises. Notes of bright ginger, creamy peppercorn, and green bergamot turn toward the setting sun as it pulls long shadows from nearby woods, signaling an ending. But then the jasmine blooms.
We have all heard the adage, “fake it ’til you make it,” but I think there is something even more important underlying in this. Faking the behaviors you deem appropriate by the outside standards mean taking away from your true self and falling into what you expect out of others. That’s not to say that enacting new behaviors is being inauthentic to yourself, but choosing behaviors that take you away from your most organic and true self take a toll on how you self-actualize yourself, whether it be intentional or not.
In today’s atmosphere, bad behaviors in public spaces end up on social media for us to all pass judgements and sharing for the sake of admonishing others. We see what “bad behaviors” look like and tell ourselves that we would never act that way, but what level of self-actualization does this play into? Are these people aware of these behaviors as they are, for lack of a better term, acting a fool in public? Is “faking it” really the motive for becoming the best version of yourself?
What effect to your mental health happens when you set aside a part of your natural self to adhere to your version of the society “norm?” As an gay man, having experience in which I felt I had to constantly “correct” or adjust innate behaviors into what my perception of social normalcy, I understand what it feels like to fall to your own inner saboteur and lose sight of the spark that makes you special. I think the idea of “faking it until you make it” should be reinterpreted to be closer to “embody goodness until it becomes second nature.”
Embracing feelings of pride and simple joys in the mundane of the world makes it easier to feel greater peace and appreciation for the bigger moments of life that allow positive self-expression and greater self-acceptance. Holding onto the larger joys because of the understanding of goodness found everywhere in the world makes seeing ourselves in a more enlightened sense easier. And this type of self-reflection is what starting a new year is about - identifying, understanding, and exemplifying the traits that best represent us.
With each new year, I state that a primary goal of the new year is to practice patience. Patience within my professional life, patience within my relationships, and more specifically, patience for myself. In understanding that as I continue to grow, I have a more difficult time being content with progress for the day and stepping away to watch the growth happen. I once used the excuse of being tightly-wound or obsessive, but when thinking about them in this new year, I am being to realize that both of these are just fancy ways of justifying discontents with myself. Being able to pause, reflect, move forward and to find growth in more than one aspect of my lifestyle means being able to take stock of the patterns of behavior that I cherish and ones that I feel could use some work. Self-reflection helps master inner peace by addressing and expressing the reasons and the feelings of “faking it” with yourself. When you’re faking it with yourself, you’re inhibiting your own growth by standing in your way with negative self-thought.
Change your perspective. Change your patterns. Faking it isn’t serving your mental health, but uncovering the innate goodness you’re trying to cover is a beautiful thing. This year, while continuing to practice patience, I am also resolving to find greater joy in the parts of myself that exhibit my innate “me-ness.” Being silly, being weird, being vulnerable, and most importantly, being honest with myself are steps into a primary goal of being softer and being kinder to myself. Being kind to the person inside allows us to spread that kindness and that goodness to the world.
Here’s to 2025, a year that needs you and your kindness more than ever. Find the good, find the kind, embrace the real you and share that with the world. Even if you change one person’s day with a small act of kindness, you’re stepping in the right direction.